What does it take to be the family guy these days?

Home truths

Christopher Toh, christophertoh@mediacorp.com.sg

I'LL BE the first to admit that while having a family is the best thing in the world, it isn't the easiest thing.

For someone who had a dream of being a rock star and having a slight case of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) — I'm particular about the utensils I use — starting a family of my own basically scared the pants off me. For instance, could I share my utensils with someone else?

Fast forward 10 years later, I'm not a rock star, I still have slight OCD and I am a parent. Now of course, I ask questions about my ability to take care of my family: Am I providing the best life for them? Or the ever-popular: Do I want my sons to follow in my footsteps?

Which was why I decided to ask actor Adrian Pang what he thought.

See, we both have many things in common. Pang is married to wife Tracie, who hails from England. My wife sometimes gets mistaken for an ang moh too and we both have been to England. Tracie is a director; I basically do whatever my wife directs me to do. He has two sons, Zack and Xander; so do I — but not called Zack or Xander.

And we both don't allow our kids to watch that much TV, although Pang said his kids have been trying to follow the TV drama Red Thread — which he stars in — "just because all the other kids at school are talking about it". I haven't starred in any drama, but I've been on TV.

Okay, so maybe we don't have so many things in common.

Still, he's the only dad I know whose email address has all the families initials —A, T, X, Z — on it. That's family commitment.

The 43-year-old actor had been living in London before bringing his family over to Singapore in 2001. By any account, it's a big shift uprooting your family to another country, but Pang's reasons were purely familial.

"Before I became a dad, I had been working as a freelance actor and living very contentedly in London for six-and-a-half years. Fatherhood made me reassess my personal needs and wants, and weigh them against my duties and responsibilities to my young family."

When he was offered a job at the now-defunct Mediaworks, Pang said it "represented an opportunity for me to continue working as an actor, with the added security and stability of a regular paycheque".

He added: "Plus Tracie and I were certain that Singapore was a much safer place to bring up Zack and Xander, and we'd be able to offer them a better quality of life."

Like many parents, it's a challenge balancing the work-life continuum. "My work schedule is often very brutal when it comes to family time. So my life is basically about juggling work and family — while walking a tightrope and trying not to drop either. I've fallen on my ass a couple of times but somehow managed to keep up the juggling.

"Also, as an actor working for a living in order to take care of one's kids — and at the risk of sounding like a prat — certain personal 'artistic' compromises and sacrifices have had to be made, and are still being made on a daily basis."

FLIPPING BURGERS

One way around it is to make his boys understand the nature of his work. "Zack and Xander recently came to see me perform in Much Ado About Nothing at Fort Canning, and I suddenly realised that this was the first time that they had properly seen their daddy on stage. The last one I did (The Pillowman) was about child murders, for goodness' sake!

"Ultimately I try to make my boys understand that what daddy does for a living is no big deal, and because the nature of my job means that it is production-line-manufactured for quick-fix mass consumption, it makes it no different from someone working in a fast-food joint. I just happen to flip burgers in public."

When he's not "flipping burgers", Pang said he likes to spend his time with his family in the great wide open. "Just half-an-hour ago Tracie, Zack, Xander and I were out in the park shooting some hoops and 'swave-boarding'. We like to do outdoorsy stuff, like cycling by the beach, wake-boarding and swimming. We also love going to the cinema as a family. Star Trek rocks, by the way."

And does he want his kids to follow in his footsteps?

"My two boys certainly display a strong artistic streak (God help them) in various forms, but Tracie and I are by no means pushy stage parents. We don't mind if they dabble in the arts while they are growing, but I don't think we'll actively pursue that course.

"In fact, I'd probably personally dissuade them in no uncertain terms from going into the arts. Double standards? Hell, yeah! It's my prerogative as a parent to have as many double standards as I see fit!

"But at the end of the day, I look at my two happy, healthy boys and it's all worth it — so those two buggers better bloody appreciate it!"

Well, nobody said it would be easy.

But now I think I understand what Ed Kowalczyk meant when he wrote: "I don't need no one to tell me about Heaven, I look at my daughter and I believe."

If that's the case, then I'm a believer too.

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From TODAYOnline.com; see the source article here.

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